Horsin Around: A Gravity Falls Spec Script
INTERIOR: MYSTERY SHACK TV ROOM
WE OPEN ON THE KIDS WATCHING TV. MABEL IS ON THE FLOOR, DIPPER ON THE T-REX WITH A BOOK, SOOS IN THE CHAIR, AND WENDY ON THE ARM. IN THE FOREGROUND, THE TV PLAYS. IN THE BACKGROUND, STANDING IN HIS BOXERS AND TANK TOP IN THE NEXT ROOM, STAN GESTURES EXCITEDLY, BUT WE CAN’T HEAR HIS WORDS.
DIPPER Didn’t this just have its season
finale? Like, last week?
MABEL Children’s television is a bizarre,
mysterious art. Who knows how these things get scheduled!
TURN TO THE TELEVISION PREMIER OF DUCTECTIVE
Ducktective walks into the Chief’s office in bad shape - hobbling on a little duck crutch with visible bandages poking out of his little duck hat. The chief sits behind a broad desk with a chair in front, and watches the little duck enter, then struggle to get on the chair. Taking pity, the Chief gets up, picks the duck up, and places him on the chair. Then, on second glance, the Chief comes back and places some books beneath the duck so he can see over the desk.
CHIEF Ducktective, back in the pond, eh?
even if you run afoul of trouble, you’re the one duck I can count on to follow the crumbs. What do you have for me today?
DUCKTECTIVE (quacks a number of times)
Danger’s just water off my back, Chief. Nobody ducks justice, not my brother, or his criminal web.
CHIEF But, there’s only one bird that
fits your brother’s bill. How can you be sure there are others involved?
DUCKTECTIVE (quacks a number of times)
To pull a job this big, he’d need a whole flock.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
2.
CHIEF Then it’s true what they say: Birds
of a feather...
DUCKTECTIVE (A single quack)
Murder together!
TV VOICE We’ll be right back to the season
premier of Ducktective after these messages!
TURN BACK TO THE CREW; STAN HAS JOINED THEM
DIPPER This got dark, fast.
TV VOICE (with an appropriate alert)
Breaking news!
WE TURN BACK TO THE TV
Toby Determand stands in front of a shining, golden gate at the edge of town that reads "HORSE DISTRICT". Toby narrates as the camera pans to reveal a scene of relative carnage - a massive trailer has overturned spilling horses all over the road outside the district. The horses are all fine, of course - some are tangled in a big ball, some are stuck in trees and bushes, others jut out from the trailer at odd angles - but in the chaos of the Police attempting to herd the horses back to the district, we can also so a visibly angry Pacifica Northwest in a large gown running too and fro.
TOBY DETERMAND I’m just outside the Horse district
where an overloaded horse trailer spilled on its way to our annual "Queen of Horses" parade! We’ve got reports of ruptured mares all around, and while authorities are working to reign in the horses, they fear some fillies won’t be found!
(a horse walks up and begins
to chew on Toby’s arm) We’re all champing at the bit for the start of the parade, the fanciest equestrian debutante ball in all of Oregon, and I hope today’s tragedy doesn’t "mare" our celebration!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
3.
PACIFICA NORTHWEST (walks up, grabs Toby’s mic) Like, it better not! Nothing, not
any horse, person, or like, supernatural combination of the two will keep me from my crown! The Queen of Horses parade will, like, continue, and that crown will be mine. Proving yet again that I’m the best person in this hillbilly sweat-hole.
TURN BACK TO THE GROUP WATCHING THE TV
Mabel has moved so close to the TV screen that we can’t see her pupils, only the horses reflected in her eyes. She repeats the word "pony" over and over.
STAN Oh the horse-manity! Did you kids
hear me? I said horse-manity, get it? See, I replaced human with horse and - oh, forget it. Hey, you kids ever wonder where I get the animal parts for my exhibits?
MABEL (Without turning to look back, resuming her repetition of the word "pony" after.)
Dumpster?
WENDY Dumpster?
SOOS Things you hit with your car?
DIPPER Aren’t they all cobbled together
from pre-existing taxidermy you...buy?
(Stan shakes his head) Find?
(Stan keeps shaking his head) Steal?
STAN You’re all wrong. I get them from
my veterinarian buddies in town, Dr. Marrow and his assistant! Though, I should start hitting more things with my car.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
4.
WENDY I didn’t know you were friends with
Dr. Marrow of The Island Pet Paradise, Gravity Falls’ animal hospital. He doesn’t seem like you’re kind of... friend, you know since he’s so cool and so chill. He runs weekly pet chakra re-alignments and you...probably ate some lucky chakra this morning. His Assistant on the other hand...
(Wendy shudders at the thought of the Assistant)
‘
SOOS (singing)
Cat stung by bees? Fish got a disease? Dog infested with fleas? Bring ’em to Marrow’s he’ll put them at ease!
STAN Uh, yeah, I guess so. I mean,
I’didn’t think he had any commercials...
SOOS Oh, that’s not a commercial, dude.
That’s just something I do now.
STAN I’ll pretend it isn’t. Anyways,
Marrow and his assistant have a whole mess of spare pet parts and I need you all to take the cart and get them for me. I’ve got a long night of taxidermy ahead of me, and I need some time to prepare. Alone. So get going!
The gang gets up and walks off frame. Mabel mumbles a "can’t" in between her incessant "pony"ing. Stan sits down on the chair with an audible fart. He opens a soda, picks up the remote, and scratches himself. Mabel’s pony chant grows louder.
INTRO ROLLS INTERIOR: MYSTERY SHACK TV ROOM
Mabel’s face is still against the TV screen. Her constant drone of "pony" is even louder. Stan, unfazed, remote in hand, changes the TV’s channel to a a man at a desk, taking a test, covered in Bees.
TV VOICE S-A-Bee? Standardized tests get
wacky when WILL BE STUPID FOR ATTENTION returns!
MABEL Aagh! Go Back! I Want to see the
horses! (Mabel Jumps on Stan, feet first)
STAN Why do you suddenly care about
horses? Don’t you already have a pig? Isn’t one smelly farm animal enough for you?
MABEL (Jumping up and down on Stan)
Waddles deserves a friend! A friend we can both ride! A friend that I can enter the Queen of Horses Parade with and will help me beat Pacifica!
(climbs off Stan, sadly)
But it’s alright, Gruncle Stan. I know you couldn’t actually get me a horse...
STAN Whoa, whoa, whoa. Do you know who
you’re talking to? I’m Stanley Pines - I can get you a horse. I can get you a horse by 3:00 with a saddle on it if I wanted to. But I don’t want to.
MABEL But Gruncle Stan! If you get me a
horse and I beat Pacifica, I’ll give you the prize money!
(singing) It’s $500...
(CONTINUED)
5.
CONTINUED:
6.
STAN You got a deal, kid. Let’s shake on
it. (he puts out his hand)
MABEL (jumps onto Stan’s shoulders, literally shaking with excitement)
Gruncle Stan! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I can’t wait to see the pony! You’re the best great uncle ever! I can’t wait to tell Waddles he’s going to get a friend. I’m going to name him Willimg Horsington the III, Stallion Prince.
(gasps) Or Colt Rein, the unbroken bronco!
(squeals) Ooo! Or Buck Cheval, international horse of mystery! And i’m going to fill his mane with flower’s and we’ll be crowned King and Queen of Horses and we’ll rule from atop our emerald palanquin carried by giant elephants, themselves borne on the back of a great bull, all less noble than the king of horses...
Mabel’s words trail off as she walks from the TV room, leaving Stan alone. It dawns on him that he now has to get a horse. He signs heavily.
STAN Well, I’m bucked.
EXTERIOR: GOLF CART
CUT TO
Dipper, Soos, and Wendy are in the golf cart driving towards town.
DIPPER (making scare quotes
constantly) Don’t either of you find this strange in any way? Stan sends us to get "spare animal parts"? I mean, why would a vet have "spare animal parts"? And why would he give them to Stan of all people?
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
7.
DIPPER (cont’d) Wouldn’t a vet, like, "dispose of
them properly"? (he looks confused as to why he did that last one, as if he got carried away)
WENDY It’s not like Stan hasn’t asked us
to do weirder things.
SOOS And I don’t know dude, maybe Stan
is the appropriate way to dispose of a bunch of random animal parts? You know how terrible our municipal services are.
(they drive by the Gravity Falls Cops on the side of the road in handcuffs, car split in half, horses holding chainsaws)
DIPPER On second thought, you might be
right. It would explain some things...
EXTERIOR: MYSTERY SHACK - BACK DOOR
FLASHBACK TO
Dipper and Soos stand outside with gloves on. Stan pulls up with his car, trunk slightly open, feathers streaming from the back. A group of buzzards follow behind.
STAN Soos! Dipper! I’m building The Bird
Wonder of the World, The Great Pyramid of Beak-za! Help me unload these -
As he pulls up, the car hits a pothole, popping his trunk and forcing an eruption of dead doves from the back in feathery white mushroom cloud.
STAN Eh, easy come...
CUT TO
INTERIOR: MYSTERY SHACK - MUSEUM FLOOR
Stan staples a pelt over the face of a stone statue of a skinny man with a GIANT nose and hugely disproportional feet. Mabel walks in.
STAN Hey Mable, do your Gruncle a favor
and hand me more pelts so I can finish my Fur-tility goddess.
Mabel shudders audible but hands a skin to Stan
INTERIORL MYSTERY SHACK - STAN’S ROOM
CUT TO
Stan’s door is open, revealing Stan in his boxers fighting with multiple animal parts, trying to force a bear’s head through an emu’s body. Dipper and Mabel walk by in their PJs/
STAN Uhhh, this isn’t what it looks
like. The two back away slowly, visibly scarred.
EXTERIOR: GOLF CART
CUT BACK TO
Wendy, Dipper, and Soos are still in the cart, but they have arrived. They pull up outside a very fancy Victorian house with a high pointy fence covered in ivy.
WENDY You guys are really going to Dig
Dr. Marrow. I mean, you probably won’t like his horse-obsessed creepy assistant, but you’ll love him. He took care of my brother’s dog when he was sick, and again when his root chakra was way outta wack. If this is how he gets rid of his spare... parts, then this is how he does it.
DIPPER If you say so...
(CONTINUED)
8.
CONTINUED:
9.
WENDY Come on Dipper, I know this place
well. Just wait till you get inside, you’ll flip out over the whole beach theme. And all the chairs look like seashells, so when you sit in them you look like you’re a hermit crab!
The group drives around the house to the parking lot and backdoor. The house rises up ominously above them, and we can almost make out a figure in the top room. It stirs. The windows on the first floor have their curtains drawn shut. The back wall of the house is a painted mural of cats, dogs, and turtles sipping drinks and snorkeling. The hospital’s name is written in big letters above the door. The three disembark from their cart, and walk up to the back door, a heavy black Dutch door. Dipper rings the doorbell that plays a steel drum beat. We hear footsteps and then the top half of the door swings back slowly to reveal a dark interior, and Dr. Marrow’s Assistant, a middle aged man with a bad goatee and ponytail.
ASSISTANT (In a high-pitched whisper, elongated his "s")
Are you the ones that ~Stan sent for the spare parts?
SOOS Yeah, dude. Can’t turn down free
animal parts!
ASSISTANT No, you very much can’t. Please,
come in, come in. The good doctor and I have been... expecting you.
The Assistant steps back from the door, and the bottom half opens with a creak. Dipper, Soos, and Wendy all step into the entrance, only to have the floor give way beneath them. As they fall down the hole, we can hear the Creepy Assistant’s cackling laugh.
CUT TO
EXTERIOR: EDGE OF TOWN - HORSE DISTRICT
Stan pulls up underneath the golden "HORSE DISTRICT" sign, looking for something. There are still many horses running around, and some people even appear to be extracting some horses with a crane and jaws of life. As Stan pulls forward into the district slowly, we can see people are setting up
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 10.
for the parade. Pacifica and her cronies can be seen in the background atop some very bro horses (popped collars, boat horse-shoes, seersucker Vineyard Vines, the works).
STAN Yeesh, this town really goes all
out for weird. Now, where is this place.... ah!
He spies what he wants, a sign that says "HORSE DEALER ALLEY", and drives down the narrow road. The street is filled with horse dealers. Many look to have fairly reasonably horses, but Stan isn’t looking for fairly reasonable.
STAN There we go! That’s what I’m
talking about!
He steps on the gas and pulls up with a screech beside a broken down ranch. The sign reads, "HORSE MONGER; DISCOUNT HORSES". Stan gets out of his car and walks to the stable. A man with a stalk of hay in his mouth and a cowboy hat pulled so low it covers his eyes leans against a railing.
HORSE MONGER (in a vaguely eastern European accent)
Hello chief! You want cheap Horse?
STAN (looking over the horse selection)
Yeah, I need to see your cheapest, but I also want to shake things up. What do you have for me in "special" horses? But make it snappy! My grand-niece is going to be Horse Queen, and thatr makes me like, horse royalty or something. And if you treat me right, I can make you my knight.
HORSE MONGER You got it chief, I take you to
horse now, I show you, chief, I show you what I got.
The two walk through the stable, past all the normal horses to the first horse in the row. They walk in with a cloud of flies, and a cloud of birds trying to eat the flies. Stan flaps his arms wildly to no effect.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
11.
HORSE MONGER This is fabled Unicorn, chief.
STAN Ugh! What’s that horrible smell? My
eyes are on fire!
The Unicorn has visible stink lines. The flies rush to the Unicorn, and catch on fire in the stink. The birds, trying to eat the flies, also catch fire when they enter the Unicorn’s radius. Then, a number of eagles fall out of the sky into the stable, and all the hay turns black.
HORSE MONGER Yes, it has, how you say,
flatulence problem.
STAN I can’t get that for Mabel! Not
unless I get her sense of smell removed. Which, isn’t actually a bad option, but I can’t do it now. Next!
They move down the line. The next horse has 4 peg-legs, and two peg-wings.
HORSE MONGER Here, mythical peglegasus.
STAN Uhh, does it fly?
HORSE MONGER No, but it rolls OK.
The Horse Monger walks over to the peglegasus and tips it, but its many points of contact make it easy to move, rolling out of frame.
STAN What if there’s a hill? No, next.
They move down the line to the third horse. it is black with bright glowing red eyes and a strange sheen, as if it were covered in translucent slime. Despite the color and slime, its ribs are visible, and it appears to be chewing on a human femur when they approach.
HORSE MONGER This is called Kelpie, chief, but
you probably do not want. Let me show you last horse, lest this one
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
12.
HORSE MONGER (cont’d) invade your mind, chief, eat your soul, you know. This is not horse
for royalty.
The two look over at the fourth and final stall to find a horse with a blank slate for a face, on which the Horse Monger has badly drawn a horse face.
STAN Well, that won’t do. Guess I’ll
take the black one.
HORSE MONGER Chief, I strongly caution. This
horse is -
STAN I said I’ll take it!
Stan pats the horse, only to find it squishy and covered in a thick mucus, sticking to his hand. It snorts and faces him, indignantly, yet somehow without changing or shifting its gaze.
STAN Yeugh! Well, I guess Mabel will
learn to take more showers.
HORSE MONGER That will be three hundred, chief
STAN I think you’re confused. I said,
I’ll take it.
Stan pulls a smoke bomb from his pocket and tosses it less-than-sneakily over his shoulder, back the way they came in the stable. It explodes, filling the stable with smoke - and then fire
STAN
Ooo, what was that? Better get to
it quick!
The Horse Monger runs off, and we watch as Stan himself, whistles and strolls out of the frame. The Kelpie, alone, keeps track of Stan off screen, and slowly, its eyes and face elongate, its jaws begin to unhinge, and it begins to make a noise like a drain sucking down the last bit of water. But Stan is whistling happily to himself as he returns through the smoke and walks around to the Kelpie’s butt. He pushes the surprised demon horse through the smoke
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 13.
and into the back of his car. They drive off, trailing slime.
CUT TO
INTERIOR: MARROW’S PET PARADISE - BASEMENT
Dipper, Soos, and Wendy get up from the pile they fell in, brushing themselves off. They begin to check out their surroundings, revealing a very cluttered basement filled with medical devices, as well as various skeletons of different animals
SOOS I have the feeling he doesn’t have
the parts we’re looking for.
DIPPER I’m pretty sure we are the parts
he’s looking for. (Turning to Wendy) So much for enjoying this place.
WENDY Chill, Dipper. I know you’re used
to things always going wrong, but I know this place. It’s good, plain and simple, and so is Dr. Marrow. Of course this isn’t what I was expecting either. Dr. Marrow’s Island Pet Paradise is supposed to be a pet paradise! There’s gotta be a mixup and a good explanation.
DIPPER Sorry, sorry. It’s just... There’s
always something wrong. Why can’t we ever have an easy errand? I don’t think falling down a trapdoor while in pursuit of animal parts constitutes a normal visit to the vet.
SOOS (patting Dipper on the back)
This one will be easy, dude. Let’s find Dr. Marrow and get out of here.
The three split up, going to different sections of the basement to look for a way out. We follow Dipper as he searches through some boxes. As he gets close to one, it begins to shake.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
14.
DIPPER Uhh, guys, I don’t think we’re the
only ones down here.
Soos and Wendy run to join him, and the three move slowly towards the box. Soos reaches out his hand and moves one of the boxes to reveal...a whole flock of gerbils with horse legs.
DIPPER
Augh!
SOOS Don’t worry, dudes. Just some...
uhhh? Actually, I’m at a loss guys. But I bet they’re more afraid of us than we are of it. Look!
The gerbils with horses legs all scurry away, bumping into each other, crawling over one another, on their way towards the other end of the basement.
SOOS Haha, see! They’re adorable!
DIPPER Yeah, Soos, they’re adorable.
Adorable abominations.
WENDY Good thing Mabel wasn’t here, she’d
be having a rough time right now.
DIPPER Wait a second, where did those....
Gorses? Herbils?
SOOS Horgersesils!
DIPPER Yeah, those things. Where did they
go?
The three look and see the line of gerbils with horse legs shuffle their way out, tapping their way along the basement floors. They get to the end of the basement, and begin to climb the stairs, jumping off one another to get up the stairs. The last one out needs help getting over the last step.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
15.
DIPPER Well, at least we found our way
out.
EXTERIOR: MYSTERY SHACK - FRONT DOOR
CUT TO:
Stan pulls up in his car. The Kelpie stands in the back seat, its glowing red eyes unblinking. Its jaw is still slightly unhinged, but it appears to be enjoying the feeling of the wind blowing down its distended, black throat. Stan looks back as he comes to a halt with a screech, and a whole glob of slime slides off the back of the horse and right onto Stan’s face. The Kelpie oozes, and looks angry to not be moving.
STAN (wiping the slime from his eyes)
Ahh jeeze, what a shoddily made horse... Mabel! I’ve got you a horse! (aside) Yeah, that’s what it is. A horse.
There’s silence at first, but we hear Mabel’s scream steadily grow louder and louder. We hear her footsteps running down the wooden hallways of the shack, until she bursts from the front door yelling.
MABEL Ahh! Gruncle Stan! I can’t believe
you actually got me a horse!
STAN Yeah, about that, Mabel. The
stables where slim pickings today, and this was all I could get you. I’d understand if you didn’t want to take it to the Queen of Horses parade.
Mabel isn’t listening. Stan’s voice fades as we focus on Mabel and the Kelpie. Roses fill the screen. Mabel’s eyes grow wider and wider as romantic music begins to play. Mabel is completely enamored with the Kelpie. The Kelpie, however, stands with its unblinking eyes, just staring, oozing, oblivious to Mabel’s new love. The camera switches back and forth between Mabel and the Kelpie and eventually Mabel runs up to the Kelpie to throw her arms around its neck. She jumps in the air towards the demon horse.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
16.
MABEL William Horsington the III!
Mabel’s arms come to a rest around the Kelpie’s neck, and they instantly stick in the viscous mucus coating. Mabel recoils.
MABEL Augh! What is this!
STAN See what I mean, Mabel? This horse
has some issues-
MABEL It’s wonderful!
STAN
Really?
MABEL Yeah! It’s going to make giving
William makeovers so much easier! And if he was perfect, there’d be nothing to improve on!
STAN Wait. Really?
The Kelpie stares ahead without blinking as Mabel begins to put rouge on its cheeks. The rouge slowly slides down the mucus on the Kelpie’s face.
MABEL I smell a challenge.. and a makeup
montage!
MABEL’S MAKEUP MONTAGE.
STARWIPE TO:
We watch as Mabel puts fake eyelashes on the Kelpie, and they fall off, so Mabel sticks them deeper into the mucous coating. In the next flash, Mabel sprays the Kelpie with cologne and perfume and brings Waddles outside. The pig gets terrified and runs away when confronted with the Kelpie’s unblinking eyes. In the next flash, Mabel puts cucumber slices on the Kelpie’s eyes, and she smiles at the camera. In the final flash, Mabel goes to do the Kelpie’s hooves, only to find the demon horse’s legs face backwards. She shrugs and paints the whole hoof with a red paintbrush.
CUT TO
EXTERIOR: MYSTERY SHACK - BACK DOOR
Mabel is doing the Kelpie’s face paint like Ziggy Stardust, with a mo-hawk of black slime. Waddles has warmed up to the Kelpie now.
MABEL You’re just what I’ve always
wanted, William. I don’t know why Stan wouldn’t want me to enter the parade with you. Once I’ve got you all fixed up, we can head over to the Horse District to win our crown!
INTERIOR: MARROW’S PET PARADISE - FIRST FLOOR
CUT TO
Soos, Dipper, and Wendy emerge from the staircase into the actual animal hospital. The whole first floor is Island themed, covered in sand. There’s a large pool of water in the center of the room, and there’s a reception desk right beside it. There doesn’t appear to be anyone in the hospital, but on second glance, the camera settles on a person’s rear end - a man’s butt in khakis. We hear the sound of lapping coming from the pool’s edge.
DIPPER (whispering)
Shh! Someone else is here!
WENDY Maybe it’s Dr. Marrow?
SOOS Maybe it is another unfortunate
lost soul, destined to wander these halls like us?
DIPPER Lost soul, maybe. But why is he
drinking from the edge of the pool? There are paper cups, like right on the reception desk.
The man drinking from the edge of the pool raises himself - only to reveal that he has a horse’s head when a human’s should be. It turns, looks at the group, and then neighs and screams, running away on all four of its human limbs.
17.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
18.
DIPPER We have to follow it! It might know
a way out!
The four chase the horse-headed-man through the sandy reception area, into a non-sandy back hall, and finally to an office/ diagnostic room with a door opposite where the group enters. The diagnostic room has the usual veterinary accoutrements - there are chairs on the sides of the room, a table, and posters of sad pets on the wall. Above the examining table on the right wall, though, is a very large portrait of a man, face out of camera. The group appears to have the horse-headed-man cornered against the back door.
WENDY Come on, bro, we won’t bite.
The horse-headed-man appears to cower for a second as Wendy approaches, and then suddenly neigh-screams, rears up on its (hind) legs, and tries to horse kick with its human arms. Dipper pulls Wendy back by her flannel collar, knocking them both to the ground. Soos grabs a chair and hurls it at the horse-headed-man.
SOOS Take a seat!
The chair knocks the horse-headed-man through the door at the back of the room and off camera.
WENDY (excited, but sitting on top of Dipper, rubbing her neck)
Nice shot, Soos! And way to get inventive with that chair.
SOOS No problem, dog. I’m all about
using chairs for things other than sitting. Throwing, climbing, escaping lava...
Dipper (from beneath Wendy)
Uhh, Wendy?
WENDY (jumping up, helping him up too)
Shoot, sorry dude! Thanks, Dipper. If it weren’t for your quick thinking, and caution, I don’t know what would have happened.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
19.
SOOS You’d be making out with a horse?
WENDY (shuddering)
Ugh, those lips.
Dipper blushes at the compliment, and laughs a little too long at Wendy’s joke.
SOOS Does the journal say anything about
this?
Dipper flips briefly through the book, looking for anything that might help.
DIPPER Hmmm. Homonculi, Pegasi, Evil -Eye,
Sentient Pie? No, nothing about what these things might be. (coming to his senses)
But I know they’re dangerous. Wendy, do you believe me now? Things can change at any time, there’s danger around every corner, you have to practice constant vigilance!
WENDY (placing a hand on Dipper and Soos’ shoulders)
Yeah, but no one can be vigilant forever. That’s why you have friends.
The three share a brief moment, until Wendy breaks the silence.
WENDY So, do you think that thing still
has some human in it?
DIPPER I think it must have some. It still
has a human body.
SOOS I guess that makes it a reverse
centaur? A ruatnec?
Soos literally draws the word Centaur on a black board in the office, and then reverses the letters.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
20.
DIPPER At least it wasn’t a Centaur-taur.
WENDY Oh, but I like that. Centaur-taur
has a nice ring to it.
DIPPER It sounds good, yeah, but, it’s
definitely not that. See, it’s kind of funny, but we actually know what a Centaur-taur looks like, and that thing definitely wasn’t -
Before he can finish his gripping description of why the reverse centaur is not a centaur-taur, the door through which the reverse centaur went through, comes crashing open. Through it comes a horde of half-horse-half-other-animals: A flock of horse-heads with parrot wings; a turtle’s head and legs on a horse’s body; a horse with octopus tentacles for legs; a double horse (horse heads on both ends); a dog with a horse’s rear end, horribly lopsided; a cat with two horse-tails and front horse-legs pulling itself along the ground; a bunny rabbit with a mouth full of horse-teeth and horse ears on its head.
The camera shifts positions to face the Portrait on the wall. We can see it in its full splendor now. It features a very fancy man atop a giant chicken with a woodpecker on his shoulder. The man’s face has the same eyes as the Assistant from the beginning. We keep focused on the portrait and the shadows playing across the wall - they show Dipper, Soos, and Wendy being subdued by the half-horse-half-other-animals. The portrait’s eyes follow the action, and we can see a hint of glee in their pupils.
CUT TO:
EXTERIOR: MYSTERY SHACK - BACK DOOR
Mabel and the Kelpie are in the final stages of dressing up. The Kelpie has a top hat and bowtie around his neck, but it is hard to see beneath the mucous. Mabel fumbles with a monocle that stubbornly won’t stay in place.
MABEL Oh Sir Horsington, it is true what
they say! "A single horse in possession of a dashing smile, must be in want of a girlfriend." Have you ever looked for love before?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
21.
MABEL(FOR THE KELPIE) (with voice lowered and hands moving the Kelpie’s gooey lips)
Never Nay-ble! I’ve been too embarrassed by my roughshod past! No one would ever love me, saddled as I am by my real identity, the exiled equestrian king!
MABLE Nonsense! That just gives your
character more depth. And besides, you’re too beautiful for me to keep to myself. What started as a quest to defeat Pacifica, has turned into a quest to find you love. Who cares about some silly Parade when your future is at stake? I swear to you, Sir Horsington, on my whole sweater collection, that when you and I go to the Queen of Horses parade today, you will find love. Now let’s go to town and find you a lady!
Mabel hops on the back of the Kelpie, a new saddle on its back, gleaming white. We can see there are drawings all over it in crayon - hearts, pine-trees, glasses, stars, and even some alchemic squiggles
MABEL To the town! To love!
Stan walks out from the Mystery Shack.
STAN Uhh, Mabel? I don’t think you
should be bringing that horse into town. I know I got it for you to bring into town, but it’s weird, and scary, and... did I say weird? It’s weird! And - wait. How are you riding on that thing?
MABEL I found a saddle in the attic! And
William and I drew on it together. I did this side...
(Mabel shows off the side of
the saddle facing the camera) And Sir William did this side!
(she turns the horse, revealing what look to be
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
22.
pictures of the grim reaper, drowned figures, Munch’s Scream).
But why don’t you want me going into town, Gruncle Stan?
STAN I don’t think the world is ready
for William to look for love. Maybe you should give him some time to grow and learn; become his own horse. Keep him at home for the time being, or, you know, forever.
MABEL I just think you’re just scared of
letting go of such a beautiful horse like William. But he needs to live, Stan! He needs to experience the world! Hyah!
With an audible squish, Mabel kicks the Kelpie into high gear and they trot off towards town, leaving Stan in the wake, his soda spilled again.
CUT TO
EXTERIOR: EDGE OF TOWN - HORSE DISTRICT
Mabel and her Kelpie arrive beneath the golden sign. The Horse District has been transformed into the staging ground for the Queen of Horses parade and competition. There is a big bleacher set up on one edge of an oval track with a large grassy performance area in its center. A set of judges sit at a desk on the edge, and in front of them is a 1st, 2nd, 3rd, podium. Pacifica and her cronies sit atop glorious shining stallions in full regalia, between the podium and the judges. She holds a microphone. The horses never stop doing a stationary dressage. The horses all wear ray-bans. The people in town applaud and cheer as the horses do their fancy dance.
PACIFICA (atop her horse, into the microphone)
Like, thank you all for coming out to see my beautiful face - and horses. And thank you for pre-crowning me Queen of Horses for, like, the third year in a row!
Pacifica throws a wad of one-dollar bills at the judges’ table, causing them all to scramble for the money.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
23.
TYLER CUTEBIKER Get it! Get it!
Mabel trots up on her Kelpie, top hat and all.
MABEL (being nice)
Oh my god Pacifica! Your horses are so beautiful! Do you think our horses can be friends? We can have horse dates and look for love together! Or mane braiding parties! And then we can share funny horse stories about times they poop in strange places. One time, this guy dropped -
PACIFIC Ugh! I don’t want to hear any lame
horse stories from you, or your freak horse. Is that even a horse?
MABEL (losing her temper)
He’s not a freak! Let me introduce you properly. This is Sir William Horsington the III, heir to the largest race-track fortune in Westist-Mint-Derbyshireforth.
Mabel tips the Kelpie’s top hat. The horses underneath Pacifica and her cronies all growl, frothing at their mouths. We see one of them has an eyebrow piercing, and it jingles. The Kelpie, in turn, stares back with burning red eyes. Somewhere, we can hear an Irish flute playing, the sound of rustling winds and surging waters, and the low rumblings of oncoming thunder. The Kelpie reaches out to the horses in a thin, icy voice.
KELPIE Rats Gnitoohs eht erofeb wob
The horses whiney and buck their riders, sending Pacifica and her cronies flying into a mud puddle. The beautiful preppie horses all bow before the Kelpie, transfixed. Mabel is worried, but Pacifica is furious.
PACIFICA We will never be friends! Now get
your gross, freak horse out of here, or else I will use all of my authority as Horse Queen to have you banished from the Horse
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
24.
PACIFICA (cont’d) District, forever! Aghhh! Knights!
Get them out of here!
A set of men in different horse mascot costumes come running up.
HORSEMEN Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!
The knights start to push Mabel and the Kelpie out of the Horse District.
JUDGE Uhh, now wait a minute. Now hold
on. Technically, Pacifica, according to the Queen of Horses charter, we aren’t allowed to pre-crown anyone. We still have to hold our competition like we do every year to determine who is the rightful heir to the throne of Horse Queen. And that means -
MABEL (interrupting)
That means I have just as much a right to become Horse Queen as you do! And that means Sir Horsington and I will challenge you to a horse off for the sake of pure horse love!!
JUDGE (pulling several brightly colored flags out of his pockets)
Hear that folks! We got a horse-off here! Horse-off! We got a horse-off!
The other judges take out two flip-over number counters - the first labeled events, and the other labeled competitors, with both Mabel and Pacifica’s faces and horses already printed out and pictured on each counter. Even their pictures squint at one another.
PACIFICA You and your slimy steed are going
down.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
25.
MABEL You know, Pacifica, I had forgotten
about wanting to beat you - William’s love came first. But since you’re being such a meanie, we’re gonna bring it!
The Kelpie opens its mouth slightly, and with a rapidly extending tongue, grabs the sunglasses off Pacifica’s preppie horse, and chews them to pieces slowly, menacingly.
CUT TO EXTERIOR: EDGE OF TOWN - HORSE DISTRICT COMPETITION AREA
Horse competition montage Begins. Great 80s competition music plays, the lyrics describe the events as they happen. Men & women dressed in skimpy 2-part centaur costumes (the kinds were one person becomes the butt) come out, holding placards with round numbers for the townsfolk to follow along with. As the montage continues, we watch the rounds increase to ridiculous proportions.
Round 1: Horse vs. Horse: Musical Talent. In this round, we watch all the horses fumble with stringed instruments and playing the piano. The judges are stymied.
Round 9: Horse vs. Horse: Swimsuit Competition. In this round, we see the Kelpie model a 2 piece. The judges applaud, the female judge whistles.
Round 15: Horse vs. Horse: Physical Talent. In this round, Pacifica’s horses all do a hip-hop dance. The Kelpie does an award winning floor routine. Both sets are awarded 9/10.
Round 27: Human vs. Human: Plowing fields - the two girls have to drag a heavy plow behind them to see who can do it the fastest.
Round 33: Human vs. Human: Tractor Pull. In this round, Mabel and Pacifica each pull a tractor only using their teeth. Mabel wins by a landslide.
Round 51: Human vs. Human: Calf Wrangling. In this round, Mabel and Pacifica each try to hogtie a calf on foot. Pacifica pays a rodeo clown to assist her to win.
Round 72: Horse and Human: Trick Riding. In this round, Pacifica rides her horse riding a horse riding a horse riding a horse riding a horse. Mabel and her Kelpie pull off an acrobatic routine.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 26.
Round 99: Horse and Human: The pairs face off in a form of Horse Tron. Humans ride horses which ride Segways that leave glowing light walls for trails.
CUT TO:
INTERIOR: MARROW’S PET PARADISE - STAIRWELL
The horse-headed man leads the half-horse menagerie holding the group up a dark stairwell towards a door leading to the top-floor office. The stairs are wooden and creak beneath the weight of the animals. The camera reveals another Dutch Door, like the one at the entrance.
DIPPER This is it, guys. Who knows what
lies behind this door.
SOOS More hideous, cobbled together
creatures?
DIPPER Thanks, Soos.
The horse-headed man scratches at the knob and pushes forward. The bottom half of the door opens, but not the top half. From the inside, we hear the voice of the Assistant.
ASSISTANT Welcome! To your - Oh! Just, shoot,
hold on.
There’s a lot of rustling, and briefly, we can see a jumble of animal legs - cows, dogs, chickens, lizards, horses - a jumble. The bottom half of the door slams, and you hear a slide and click.
ASSISTANT Alright, try it now.
The horse headed man does the same thing and the door opens correctly this time, revealing a whole sea of animals mixed up with horses. A horse-headed cow with a lizard’s frill. A horse with a frog’s hind legs and tongue. A horse that looks relatively normal until we realize it’s literally just a bear with a horse sewn on top of it. We can see the assistant is in the back of it all, his lower half obscured by the sea of animals.
ASSISTANT Welcome to your-
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
27.
DIPPER Let us go!
ASSISTANT (sighing)
Kid, would you let me finish? As I was saying... Welcome to your future!
WENDY You can’t do this! Whatever this
is!
ASSISTANT I think it’s pretty obvious that I
can, and will. Now! Gaze upon the horsey countenance that will become mankind’s destiny!
(the assistant sweeps his arm back, revealing... a horse chained to an operating table)
DIPPER You’re going to turn us into
horses?
SOOS How dastardly!
ASSISTANT No you fool! I’m going to put
you... INSIDE the horses! (he snaps his fingers and a bunch of monkeys with horse heads swoop down and open the mouth of the chained horse, revealing... a conscious man’s face, eyes wide and terrified.)
WENDY Dr. Marrow! You creepy monster,
what did you do to him?
ASSISTANT Yes! Creepy! I did what anyone in
my position would do! To make myself less creepy, I would make you all more creepy! And soon, you’ll all join me in my new creepy kingdom!
(a gerbil with horse legs crawls down the walls and onto the Assistant’s shoulder)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
28.
Yeugh! (he picks up the gerbil horse monstrosity and tosses it behind him, through the window)
That wasn’t one of my better experiments. It takes time to get creepy right.
CUT TO EXTERIOR: EDGE OF TOWN - HORSE DISTRICT COMPETITION AREA
Round 101. Pacifica and Mabel are tied with 50 events apiece. They are out of breath, and badly scratched up. They sit atop their steeds on the racetrack around the competition area. The audience is on the edge of their seats.
JUDGE This is it, folks! The only event
that actually matters! The event we should have just held at the start of this whole competition. The race! This determines which horse should be crowned king, and which rider shall be crowned this year’s Queen of Horses and marry the Horse king for the year!
PACIFICA (to mabel)
Eat our dust, slimy losers.
MABEL (to Pacifica)
I think you’re find yourself eating our dust, Pacifica. But don’t worry, I put glitter in it for you. Wait, did he say marriage?
(softly, to Kelpie) You know, Sir, William, maybe we shouldn’t win this thing. If we marry, you’ll never be able to look for love.
Pacifica’s bro pony growls and raises a hoof holding a switchblade. The Kelpie, in return, literally parts the slime and skin on its face and forces its skull out of its body, mouth open and eyes still red and staring. Pacifica’s horse gets terribly freaked out.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
29.
JUDGE (firing a gun, startling Pacifica’s horse)
Race!
Pacifica’s bro horse takes off at the sound of the gunshot, galloping away and leaving the Kelpie in dust. Pacifica screams as the horse rounds the racetrack in record time, coming right back to the Kelpie, and then continuing through the fence into the crowd. The Kelpie, meanwhile, hasn’t taken a single step forward. In the wake of Pacifica’s frightened horse, the racetrack burns, catching the whole district on fire. The judge looks astounded.
JUDGE Well, I’ve seen enough. Pacifica is
the new Queen of Horses!
We see both Pacifica and her horse poke their heads out of some rubble, delighted at the news. The audience turns too, mid flee, to applaud the announcement. Things continue to burn around them. The judge walks over to Pacifica and her horse, still buried in rubble, and places a large medal around Pacifica and her horse’s necks. He sticks a microphone in Pacifica’s face.
PACIFICA That’s right, losers! I’m queen
again! And my first act as queen is to banish Mabel and her freak from the Horse District. Knights!
The crowd applauds and cheers, while literally the entire district burns around them. The stables, the grounds, the buildings, even the stands the audience rests on burns beneath their feet. The knights come push Mabel and her Kelpie out of the burning District to great applause.
FOLLOW: MABEL AND HER KELPIE
Mabel rides atop her slimy black horse as it plods its way out of the district towards town. Behind her, everything burns. She doesn’t realize it yet, but she’s coming up on Dr. Marrow’s Island Pet Paradise. Fire trucks stream past her.
MABEL I don’t get it, Willy. Why doesn’t
anyone love you the way that I love you? I can see you have so much potential in you, but I feel like I’m the only one! You’re a young, strong horse with an unfortunate
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
30.
MABEL (cont’d) skin condition and a strange leg
deformity - the world’s your oyster, and I want to give it to you! But why won’t anyone let me?
Mabel emphatically plays with the mush of the Kelpie’s face as she speaks, leaning heavily against it’s dripping mane, staring up towards the setting sun.
MABEL If a make-over montage couldn’t
find you love or win you the title of True Horse King, I don’t know what could... Wait a minute. Is that Dipper?
Mabel turns over and looks up into the old Victorian house through a broad window in the top floor. She see’s Dipper held aloft by a Squid-horse inside the room with the multitude of mixed up animals. She can see that he is being held captive from the outside the house.
MABEL Sir William! We have to do
something!
The gerbil with horse-legs is thrown through the glass window, landing on the pavement beside Mabel. It squeaks and flails its long legs.
MABEL We’ve got to catch that first. Then
we have to do something!
CUT TO INTERIOR: MARROW’S PET PARADISE - LAIR OF THE ASSISTANT
The Assistant laughs maniacally as the animals run amok in the room. We couldn’t see it before, because of the way the animals were gathered, but now that they are swarming, we can see that the Assistant appears to be behind a long table with a long white tablecloth. A number of horse-headed parrots attack as well.
ASSISTANT Fly my pretties! Fly! Fly!
DIPPER (with a squirrel horse on his shoulder)
Just because something is in the public domain doesn’t give you
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
31.
DIPPER (cont’d) liberty to use it whenever you
want!
ASSISTANT Who cares what you think, boy!
Soon, you’ll be like them!
Wendy, Dipper, and Soos all struggle valiantly against the horde of animal mashups holding them, but they can’t win. There are too many tentacles and horse legs and feathery wings for them to struggle against.
WENDY (struggling)
Why have you done all this! Why are you so creepy!
ASSISTANT Silence! Again! You want to know
why I do this? Then maybe you should ask Dr. Marrow himself!
The assistant points a long, bony finger towards the human face inside the horse
Me?
DR. MARROW
DIPPER Wait, you can talk? Why didn’t you
say something immediately?
DR. MARROW I was very freaked out, you know,
getting turned into this and all.
ASSISTANT Silence! No, wait. Tell them! Tell
them, Dr. Marrow! Tell them why I did this to you!
DR. MARROW I honestly haven’t got the foggiest
idea...
WENDY So you have someone to ask, "why
the long face?" every day? (both the Assistant and Dr. Marrow look daggers at Wendy)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
32.
ASSISTANT What a disrespectful... NO! It’s
because he never stood up for me! I am the great grandson of the first veterinarian in this town, the great man who wrote the law on marrying woodpeckers and made Gravity Falls an animal lover’s destination the world over. And I intended to follow in his footsteps and make Marrying horses legal! But you!
( (turns to Dr. Marrow) You took over my father’s practice before I came of age and then you made me your assistant and deemed my love of horses creepy! And so I became nothing but your creepy assistant!
WENDY You are really creepy.
(Dipper and Soos nod their heads vigorously in agreement)
ASSISTANT Don’t you think I know that? Don’t
you think I didn’t want to be the "Creepy Assistant"? Of course I don’t want to be creepy! But I was labeled as creepy almost instantly - by Dr Marrow himself! And then he did nothing to stop others from perpetuating this vicious rumor! And so I have been driven deep, deep within my own insanity, searching for an answer to this most unfortunate injustice, to rectify this attack against my person! I must rectify! My name is Darrel! Darrel Killdog! And if I have to be creepy, then everyone has to be creepier! Do you know why I summoned you here today?
WENDY Uhh, dude? You like, didn’t summon
us. You called Stan and tricked him into send us over, remember?
DIPPER And it’s pretty clear we’re here
because you intend to turn us into (MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
33.
DIPPER (cont’d) more strange animal combinations.
You just said -
ASSISTANT SILENCE! No! I plan to turn you
into more... oh, wait, was it really that obvious?
DIPPER Yeah, pretty much from the start
(Soos & Wendy nod emphatically)
DARREL KILLDOG Well... Yes! And, thanks to a most
fortunate horse accident this morning, I have plenty of mares for you all! You called me creepy? Well, I went full on creepy! And now, I’m going to make you all full on creepy too!
With a flourish, Darrel removes the white sheet to reveal his true body: that of a horse, except rather than turn himself into a centaur, the horse is completely in tact, with his upper torso sewn onto its back. Darrel laughs maniacally. On either side of him are other horses, sedated and hooked up fancy operating machines.
DARREL KILLDOG Behold, my final form! Sublimely beautiful, no? Now! Squid-Horse!
Bring me the child!
The squid-horse raises Dipper in the air, bound in its tentacles, and brings him to Darrel.
DARREL KILLDOG Now! Affix him to the specimen!
The squid horse fumbles to put Dipper on a prone horse, and then ties him loosely to the body of the horse. Both of his arms are free, and Dipper looks very, very confused by the poor workmanship of the knots.
DARREL Yes! Soon this will become your
fate!
Darrel laughs, hands overhead. It is a short-lived victory, though. With his back turned, he can’t see Mabel on her Kelpie come crashing through the upper store window.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
34.
DARREL What is this!
SOOS That’s actually a pretty good
question. What is that?
Mabel summersaults off of the Kelpie’s saddle to the ground, pulling the saddle off inadvertently. In her sweater, the gerbil with the horse’s legs head rests, its long, unwieldy legs poke out from beneath Mabel’s sweater.
MABEL I’m here to save you!
DIPPER Save us from what? That thing you
rode in on? Or the guy currently holding us captive?
MABEL Silly! I’m here to save you
from.... (she looks at Darrel).
Oof, what a poorly conceived idea. This is why planning is a valuable skill.
(back to Dipper) But you don’t need saving from him!
(she gestures behind her) That’s the horse Stan got for me! His name is Sir William Horsington the III and he doesn’t need to be accepted by you, your ’society’ and its outdated concept of the horse-archy, or conform to you’re unreasonable standards of beauty! Maybe he’s a Horse looking for love, maybe he’s a horse on his own, but he’s always his own horse and he’s done being burdened by his family’s titles. Just because he comes from a royal lineage-
DIPPER Mabel? Can you free us?
MABLE Oh, right.
Mabel tickles a horse bird, causing it to release Soos. Meanwhile, Dipper frees himself from his poorly tied knots, and then runs to free Wendy. The group, when free, run over to Dr. Marrow, still chained to the table.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
35.
WENDY Dr. Marrow, I’m so happy you’re
alright.
DIPPER Don’t speak too soon, Wendy, we’re
not out of this yet.
SOOS Uhh, dude? I think we might be.
The camera pans over, and we see the Kelpie, free from its saddle, has approached Darrel’s body with some interest. The Mare Darrel is attached to, without a care for the torso sewn to its back, seems to be responding to the Kelpie’s interest, positively
DARREL What are you... what are you doing!
The Kelpie stares at Darrel, its eyes glowing and swollen. It begins to open its mouth. The Kelpie’s jaw begins descending like a snake that can dislocate its maw, and the inside looks a whale’s baleen, but made of slime. Darrel screams as the Kelpie’s uses its massive distended mouth to pick up Darrel and his mare body sideways, and moves towards the window. It gives one last look towards Mabel. With its giant red eyes glistening and the screaming poorly made centaur in its mouth, Mabel can almost make out a gleam of sadness in the Demon horse’s eye. We watch as the Kelpie remembers the kindness Mabel showed to it, but we also see Mabel encouraging the Horse to be more confident, and it steadies itself. With a flash, it has jumped out the window, and we watch as it runs off towards the woods.
MABEL Awwww! Sir Horsington found love!
EXTERIOR: MARROW’S PET HOSPITAL - PARKING LOT.
CUT TO
The group stands in front of their golf cart. Mabel, Soos, Wendy, and Dipper all look pleased but shaken. Dr. Marrow stands in front of his new half-animal-half-horse menagerie, his face poking out from beneath the horse’s jaws. We see the horse-doctor has the horse standing on its hind legs, and we see that rather than hooves on its front legs, it has fingers. His face is pudgy, squished between the open horse’s mouth.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
36.
DR MARROW Well kids, thanks for all your hard
work saving me, and all these animals! And thanks to you Mabel, for your spectacular entrance! I trust we won’t hear from Darrel for a long time.
DIPPER Yeah, it’s good to be rid of him,
but he did have some good points about how damaging names can be.
DR. MARROW Kid, what are you talking about. I
called him creepy for a reason. Didn’t you see all of this? Don’t you see what he did to my body? Unbelievable. How thick are you? Of course this is creepy! If this isn’t creepy then...
WENDY Uhh, well Dr. Marrow, I’m just glad
to know you’re safe and sound. Looks like I’ll see you soon for our family dog’s annual checkup, right?
DR. MARROW What! No, you’re banned from this
animal hospital forever! "Why the long face"? I was in a state of shock and you mocked me! No, Wendy, you are the worst of them all.
And in a cloud of dust, Dr. Marrow and the animals are all gone. The group gets into the cart.
WENDY You know, as far as experiences go,
that was one of my worst.
SOOS Scarred for life, dude.
DIPPER Next time, Stan’s getting his own
parts.
Dipper, Mabel, and Soos group hug Wendy, and then they all get back in the cart.
CUT TO
INTERIOR: MYSTERY SHACK TV ROOM
Dipper, Mabel, Soos, and Wendy all walk into the TV room and then collapse on the floor. Stan sits in his chair watching TV.
STAN What happened to you guys? And
Mabel, what happened to that horse I stole, I mean bought, for you? And where’s my $500?!
MABEL We lost, Gruncle Stan. We lost to
Pacifica and we didn’t make any money. But we found something far more valuable.
STAN Is it my pet parts? Where are
those? Those are valuable.
MABEL Sir William found love, Stan. And
we found love too.
DIPPER Along with a number of man-made
monsters.
STAN Aww, that’s supposed to be my job!
Where’d you leave em?
WENDY At Dr. Marrow’s. They weren’t
exactly in usable condition.
STAN Well, I’ll be the judge of that!
You kids are useless! (he slams his newspaper down and walks out of frame)
SOOS Do we tell him?
WENDY He’ll find out himself from Dr.
Marrow.
The group laughs, then they realize how terrifying it was to escape from that house of body-horror, ending in an awkward series of groans at their various aches and pains.
37.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
38.
END
DURING CREDITS Stan stands outside of Marrow’s Pet Paradise, yelling.
STAN Marrow, you hack! You owe me pet
parts! Where are my pet parts? How I can I run a business on taxidermy monsters if you don’t give me the parts to make ’em? Huh? You know why? It’s cause you’re the real monster here, Marrow! Not giving my kids the parts I need! You’re a small-business killing monster!
Marrow’s Horse body comes to the window. STAN
Eh?
The horse body opens its mouth and we see Marrow’s very angry face.
DR. MARROW You want parts? Fine.
He snaps his horse fingers, and a flock of horse headed parrots swoops down and picks up Stan by the shoulders, carrying him high and far away. As he gets smaller and smaller in the frame, we see Dr. Marrow’s horse head shake in disbelief, and hear Stan calling gleefully from the distance.
STAN Now this is more like it!